Saturday, 15 March 2008

Doing It Naked



I've never been the type of person who shied away from lowering the tone of the proceedings, so I thought I'd raise a question that's been bothering me since my launch party.

During the wild, drunken evening and just before I spilled red wine all over the floor, I was talking to Matt Curran about the trend charity workers seem to have developed regarding photographing each other naked and turning said photos into amusing calendars. We mooted the possibility of a Macmillan New Writing Calendar in a similar style, given that we are all already allocated months (so this would seem to be a natural fit... yes, there was alcohol involved in this discussion, obviously...) For instance, Matt would be Mr January and I would be Ms February.

So, since then, I have been considering where I would be photographed and what objects I would use to block the camera's vision in order to retain what was left of my dignity. The obvious choice for the location would be the runway at RAF Lyneham, and carefully placed coffee and walnut sponges would be involved, I think. Given that I'm Ms February, this would probably be quite a cold and uncomfortable photo shoot, but I'm willing to do it for the best charity in the world - the MNW Poor Author Benevolent Fund.

So, playmates, where will you be photographed? And what objects will you use over your privates in order to best promote your book?

Nobody said this marketing lark was going to be easy.

9 comments:

David Isaak said...

"The obvious choice for the location would be the runway at RAF Lyneham."

A whole new meaning for the term "runway model"...

Lately, real-estate agents have taken to hanging little "shout-out" signs on their FOR SALE signs. Most of them are quite annoying (HONEY, STOP THE CAR!).

But there's one I like, and I think I'd like to pose on someone's lawn (until the police come) in front of the signs that say:

FOR SALE
I'M BEAUTIFUL INSIDE

David Isaak said...

On reflection, better make that BEHIND the signs.

Eliza Graham said...

Har! David!

I think mine would be in such bad taste it couldn't be published. I'd be wearing a Russian helmet and holding a sign saying, Berlin 100km on front of the meaningful parts of my body...

Faye L. said...

I have a slightly hysterical phobia of being photographed full stop, so there might be a bit of a problem there...

David Isaak said...

Go, Eliza! Do it for the war effort! (Better 60-odd years late than never.)

Len Tyler said...

On the beach at West Wittering with one strategically placed red herring.

Tim Stretton said...

Len, I'll make sure I keep away from West Wittering that day... it can get a bit chilly, too!

My shot would have me seated on a gallumpher, with a dimonetto perched on my shoulder and a bowl of redders covering anything that shouldn't be seen. To make sense of that you may have to read the book...

Matt Curran said...

Hi, Aliya

You know, I hadn’t remembered that conversation until you blogged it here… (cue embarrassed chuckle). I can’t recall what I said my “pose” would be at the time (too much alcohol had been quaffed at that point – and to be honest I’m not sure I’d like to remember anything my fevered and drink fuelled imagination had come up with at that point in the evening) – but I’d say it would probably involve a strategically placed hardback of The Secret War and almost definitely my broadsword (yes, I have a real broadsword, it’s not a euphemism, so please no “fnarr, fnarr” sounds from the back).
And it would also involve an open-air shoot, somewhere that isn’t chilly. So that rules out Sheffield in January.

Hey, you know, I haven’t had my mug-shot taken yet for the new book, so that gives me an idea…

(Please note: Petitions against MFW Curran’s semi-naked form appearing on the dust jacket of his next book should be sent to Macmillan New Writing, London).

David Isaak said...

But where do readers send petitions in favor, Matt?

I always wondered how to spell "fnarr, fnarr"...